Reasons Why I’ve Given Up on Dating

I tried internet dating
Or twice
And I finally gave up

I know the profile thingies
Are like a resume of sorts
And you want to put
Your best foot forward
But they really should be
About some sort of honesty too

Reading through them
Was like reading the slush pile
From hell
With no way to get a logarithm
For basic grammar
Or sentence structure

Even if they passed the test
Of describing themselves coherently
That only meant they were clear
To round two…
Meeting face to face

Inevitable they dropped their jaws
And looked at me with some mixture
Of amazement
Or puzzlement
Or just plain disbelief
When I said I’m a writer
And an editor

I didn’t usually even bring up
Indie yarn dyer
I can only imagine
That would cause a similar reaction
As my growing a second head would

I don’t have time for this dance
Nor do I want to rehash
My 48 year history
When I have plenty of friends
Who already know me
And love me
Despite knowing what they know

I’m half panicked most days
Thinking I won’t have enough time
To write everything
Do everything
Be everything
That I need to be me
Why waste a minute more?

Do I miss intimacy?
Hell yes!
But not enough
To put myself through that nonsense

Do I wish I had someone
To bounce ideas off of
While snuggling on the couch?
Or read each other’s words
While staying in bed late
On a lazy Sunday morning
After making love
For the umpteenth time?

Do I want to be part
Of a partnership
That’s bigger than either of us
Could ever be on our own?
Or have someone in my life
Whose strengths and weaknesses
Dovetailed to mine
So that together
We are unstoppable?

Nah, what gave you that idea?

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