My Unbalanced Dance

I try to tell myself
That I’m able
To balance the various parts
Of my life
But this appears to be
Another instance of
Me lying to myself

On the whole
I suppose I do manage
A bit of balance
Between working myself
Damn near to death
And being completely still
Due to exhaustion

But I don’t think
That’s quite what people mean
When they talk about balance

The one thing I’ve learned
Is that most people will do
Whatever is necessary
To if not thrive, survive
Doing what needs done to get by

In this regard, I’m like most
So I often feel
That I don’t have much choice
When it comes to balance
I have a choice to either
Pay my bills or not

I suppose I could make coffee
And breakfast at home more often
Or pack even cheaper lunches
But I struggle to get out the door
As it is and I’m good at rationalizing

So I’m lying to myself
That I’m balancing my life
While rationalizing my spending
On a $3 breakfast
So many issues
So little time
And the hamster wheel
Keeps singing its squeaky song

If I’m laughing
While I’m working
Myself to death
And limiting my tears
To cataclysmic events
And I hug my kids
And cater to my cat
And my words flow out
And the words of others flow in
Is my ship really too unbalanced
To sail?

Will you object
To my floating along
On this current
I’m calling my life?

And if my squeaky wheeled boat
Should happen to wobble
While I try to simultaneously
Run in the rat race
And paddle this canoe
I will have to re-examine
My priorities

But until that time comes
I’m throwing balls
And cliches
Into the air
And at the wall
Juggling and singing
Sinking and swimming
Dancing my unbalanced dance

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