I’ve finally completely lost my mind.
I have a full time (and then some with overtime) job, three kids to take care of (okay, one of them is 19 but I’m still not convinced he can manage for himself), a home to maintain (also known as laundry and cleaning hell to be endured until I can one day afford a full time cook and maid), a cat who if I don’t give him attention will purposefully trash my room and steal my yarn, and this habit of maintaining a few websites. Oh, and I write some poems sometimes. I have also never written much more than a blog post or a vignette. So, I’m not sure who slipped what into my drink that would make me think doing NaNoWriMo would be a good thing.
But, there you have it. I had two story ideas that I had been thinking about for a few months now but it wasn’t until I started listing scenes and plot points for the one I’ve decided to write that I began to think that maybe I should attempt it. I still wasn’t sure right up to the point where the night before I had an epiphany about the ending of the story and I knew I had to try.
I didn’t originally say anything to anyone beyond my closest friends. I’m not sure I can deal with people trying to encourage me. I think something like this has to come from within. And, I don’t want to let anyone down.
Because even though I want to do this and I’m going to make time in the evenings after Jake goes to sleep (on those nights when he is here), no matter what, the boys come first. So, with all of the obligations I already have and knowing my own propensity for starting things with guns blazing only to run out of steam a week later, I’m not holding out any hope of actually “winning” this thing and writing 50,000 words.
I changed my mind tonight about telling the world because it is too damned hard for me to not tweet word totals. I’ve felt like the Cheshire cat for the last four days. I was immediately reminded that it’s not about “winning” but about writing more than you did before and most importantly about getting into the habit of writing every day.
I actually do tend to write most days. It’s just that those words are in the form of poems that range from itty-bitty to maybe a few hundred words at best. This novel writing thing is a whole new, mind blowing experience for me.
So far, I’ve managed to write 4173 words in four days. 2074 of that was this evening alone. That thrills and terrifies me. I’ve wrote so much more than I usually do and yet I haven’t even cracked the 10% mark. Eeek.
But that’s okay. I will do with this what I can, what I am comfortable (or slightly uncomfortable) with, and what I want and on December first I’ll see how far I got and what lessons I’ve learned along the way. I have no doubt that there will be many of those…