I’m having a really hard time finding words for this…
I’ve written about my feelings for Gettysburg.
I need to write more about choices. About being deliberate. About understanding myself. About making choices that support my artistic endeavors. About getting off my ass, fighting inertia, and doing things that are good for me.
What does all of this have to do with anything?
Max drove me to work on Friday. Because he was driving, I was free to notice the little bit of fog. The fog reminded me of Gettysburg and I realized it had been a while since I had been there. I mentioned that maybe this weekend would be a good time to drive down since the younger boys would be with their dad. This thought/comment was then filed in the back of my brain.
I met a friend, Adam, for lunch on Saturday. We were talking about photography and art and creativity. As I started to mention Gettysburg that comment I had made to Max popped to the surface…
I started to dismiss it and Adam asked if I wanted to go to Gettysburg. I started to dismiss the idea again when I realized tomorrow would be New Year’s Day. Then it hit me. The new year. Sunrise. The beginning of a beginning. And somehow in that moment it became important for me in a symbolic way. I needed to chose to start this year off creatively. I needed to start this year in the kind of zen that comes from that place. From looking at things I’ve seen a dozen times yet always look new. From trying to share the dichotomy of deep sadness and joy I experience there.
So I went to sleep early on New Year’s Eve. I missed the saying goodbye to the old. Not really. I had already said my goodbyes to one of the worst years I’ve ever lived through. I hardly slept. I was energized with anticipation. Looking forward to something is a wonderful way to feel.
Adam showed me a beautiful covered bridge he had photographed with friends before, I showed him Little Round Top, and we both saw the National Cemetery for the first time. It was a wonderful way to start 2012.
I’ll put the sunrise here; the images of the bridge and battlefield will follow in separate posts.